The Illiteracy of Kanye West

Yes, it’s old news to everyone else, but I’ve been trying to moderate my celebrity gossip addiction. So I just heard the news that Kanye West can’t read.

I mean, that’s the only reason I can think of that anyone would go out of their way to act as if non-readers were smarter. Plus, it explains why the ‘book’ he put out was a lot of blank space and used confusing, poorly organized language. Most of all, it would explain why the guy is so arrogant and moronic and full of himself and repugnant: he REALLY IS stupid.

“I am not a fan of books,” he said. “I would never want a book’s autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books. I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life.”

There are so many things wrong with this- but we’ll point out how he doesn’t want “a book’s autograph” just because it’s kind of funny.  I would also like to know how he might actually glean information from conversations, because he’s the only one he lets speak during any given exchange.

I’m all for ‘living real life.’ I totally get that- nothing compares to experience and action. However, it’s sometimes hard to learn about different places and different eras in history and different people without reading. For example, none of us know enough about the holocaust in the Congo that is still happening. Have you heard of it? Six million have died- yes, by holocaust I meant holocaust. It would be wonderful if Kanye headed over there to personally experience the massacre and mass machete rapes desecrating the peoples. Then he could write songs about it and send the proceeds to help, doing something useful for a change.

It would also be hard to get information about ancient Egypt or the Inquisition by talking to people. I doubt time travel is one of  Kanye’s oft professed superpowers.

It’s especially wonderful that a successful role model for African Americans would let this demographic know that literacy efforts are overrated. Forget books, forget school- get experience from real life. That will be rad for millions of black kids, doing cool hands on stuff with Mom and Dad and the neighbours. But for others, well, real  living means crack and guns and the like. But yeah, we gotta keep it real.

I’m embarrassed to say I like a few songs. Not much gets me on a treadmill, I’ll admit it. But Stronger on repeat gets my blood pumping. I know the man gets miffed after every award show, claiming it was rigged if any of the many better artists had a chance. But he definitely gets the prize for Best Gym Bunny Song. It’s only real competition is “Fergalicious.”

Just because I’m a bibliophile, this statement ranks number one in Statements that Confirm my Suspicions that Kanye West is an Asshole. But there are competitors. Here are a meagre few of the long list:

“Now I can let these dream killers kill my self esteem-or use my arrogance as steam to power my dreams!!!”

“If I was more complacent and I let things slide, my life would be easier, but you all wouldn’t be as entertained. My misery is your pleasure.”

“If it wasn’t for race mixing there’d be no video girls. Me and most of our friends like mutts a lot. Yeah, in the hood they call ‘em mutts.”

“I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation”

“I’m a pop enigma. I live and breathe every element in life. I rock a bespoke suit and I go to Harold’s for fried chicken. It’s all these things at once, because, as a tastemaker, I find the best of everything. There’s certain things that black people are the best at and certain things that white people are the best at. Whatever we as black people are the best at, I’m a go get that. Like, on Christmas I don’t want any food that tastes white. And when I go to purchase a house, I don’t want my credit to look black.”

“I don’t even listen to rap. My apartment is too nice to listen to rap in.”

“To use someone is necessary. What’s negative is to misuse, overuse or abuse somebody. To use is necessary. If you can’t get used, then you’re useless.”